Lay down your burdens

It was a regular day. There I was loading clothes into the washing machine when I heard the song play throughout the speakers in the house.

"So lay down your burdens

Lay down your shame

All who are broken

Lift up your face

Oh wanderer come home

You’re not too far

So lay down your hurt

Lay down your heart

Come as you are."

So much had been piling up in my life.  Not just the laundry.  I was going at full speed with no end in sight.  Dodging bullets along the way not even realizing I had been hit and injured by a few until the song came on.  Overwhelmed by my helpless estate I crumpled to the floor sobbing in the middle of the laundry pile. And the words rang over again "lay down your burdens..... Come as you are."

I ask myself why I try to live life at full speed believing I am invincible, when in reality I am so fragile. And this heart of mine is near to bursting these days with the hurt of dissapointment.  If I just keep moving, committing, filling the days to capacity I won't have time to let my heart feel.  My head says to slow down, "you will regret this road of reckless busyness." My heart fights hard not to feel.  I don't want to admit that someone I love would hurt me.  I don't want to hear a friend has lied to me.  I don't want to see my child disrespect an authority figure or say hurtful words to a friend.  I want to believe family stands strong together and fights for each other. But we live in a fallen world and I am just as guilty as the next.  That face staring back at me is weary.  Weary of the war. I have been fighting a secret war. One where I tell myself it's going to be all right, God has a greater plan, keep pushing on, soon reinforcements will come. But the truth is I have lost already.  I am frantic to pick up the pieces and try to mend the life lost when really I should accept that maybe I needed life to break so that God can mend me. 

I sat on the laundry room floor completely broken, dependent on Him alone, not even  realizing the battles yet to come.  I can choose to fight alone or lay my burdens at His feet and trust He will heal this wounded warrior. I do not know the next move, but I will rest in Him.

Heavenly Father,

I thank you for loving me.  I rest in the knowledge that you hold me safely in your hand and that although the wounds may come and the hurt may reside, you are still my healer and my friend.  I do not face life alone. You walk with me through every battle, every trial. You are my God and in you I put my trust. Amen

The Rosebush

So for sometime now I've been praying that God would give me my next blog post. I desire for this blog to be truthful and about real life circumstances. I'm not inclined to come on here and just blog about any old thing. Although I could fill these pages with cute little stories about the day-to-day activities and antics of my crazy little bunch! But that's not the purpose that I see for this blog moving forward and so I have patiently waited for God to stir my heart and give me my next blog post. I will even be so open and honest as to say that I have felt guilty that I have not had anything to blog about. I was beginning to think that it is not God's desire for me to use it in the way that I had thought. But I have been patient and I have been diligent in my prayer that He would use me in someway through this blog. So you might imagine my delight this evening when a post idea hit me smack in the face. 

It is Wednesday evening and we have come from a lovely church meeting where our pastor shared the most beautiful scripture of Luke chapter 10:1-20.  Such boldness and truth in that passage.  What a good and all powerful God!!!  On the way home I had to stop and pick three of my children up from dance class, and that is where God struck. (I just love it when He takes me by surprise!!!).

For some years now there has been a beautiful yellow rosebush planted just outside the dance studio door. Of course when it was first put in the ground it was quite small and filled just the small corner of the flower bed that met the sidewalk where each dancer walks to their class. As time went on the rosebush grew very much to love the spot where it had been planted. It flourished in the bright sunlight to over 8 feet tall and beautiful long-stemmed yellow roses graced the bush as the dancers walked past. It began to grow a bit unruly and at times had to be tamed or cut back, so to speak! Soon thereafter it would once again fall over the sidewalk and the dancers often times had to push it out of their way as they walked into their classes. Many people complained what a nuisance it was and yet there it grew so gracefully and beautifully and very much a significant part of the studio entrance. It had grown a very thick truck and was fast surpassing its eight feet.  I really didn't want to see the rose bush go, but I knew it needed to be drastically pruned.  And so with garden shears in hand, I cut it down to the ground.  Not long after I noticed very small bits of green leaves on the old brown truck.  I thought that bush is fighting to come back.  It belongs here. And tonight as I walked past I saw a long stem and a tiny rosebud.  I smiled and instantly knew I would be writing about it.  Because I was reminded how we are to be like that rosebush. We are planted somewhere by God in good soil and warm sunlight ready to be used by him. People walk past us every day and marvel at our beauty, but do not truly understand the beauty comes from Jesus Christ within us. As time goes by perhaps we are silent to speak His beautiful name, and we become common place to those that pass us by.  But within us lies the desire to speak for Him, to speak about Him. We find strength and boldness to rise up and share His message.  As we see people coming our branches reach out to them and we at times feel desperate to show them the love of Jesus Christ. But they push us out of the way and keep on walking. I believe there are times when those who hear us get tired of listening and so they cut us down to the ground. Hoping that we will die off, but instead just like the rosebush, we grow stronger and more beautiful! And so I was reminded this evening that no matter what adversity comes, no matter who pushes us out of the way or refuses to listen, I will stand strong for Him! Because my roots are firmly planted and each morning my face will absorb His sunlight as I grow in Him and vow to do the work He had planted me here to do. 

Thank you Father that You would desire to use me. May Your power be made perfect in my weakness. Amen

Running...

Running. I suppose you might be thinking, well here we go a post about running… And I'll talk to you about the health benefits and whatnot of running. I do enjoy running and perhaps I could tell you how great it feels to pull on my comfy sneakers, and hit the road. As my feet pound the pavement the thoughts and worries of the world slip away and I fall into a world of running… Where my mind is clearing and my soul is rejoicing in being in the great outdoors, but that is not the running I am intending to speak about today.

This morning I want to talk about running scared. We all have those times in our lives when the world crowds in. We all have those people or situations that seem like giants in our lives. You know what I mean, I'm sure you're thinking of your own situations right now. Well I am no stranger to giants. They come in all shapes and sizes, some are very familiar, and some are complete strangers to me. But nonetheless they appear… Sometimes as if out of nowhere! A perfectly happy day can be turned upside down as one of my giants approaches. You know, you've been there! When the only thing your body screams to do is run! Run! Run! And yet somewhere deep there is that still quiet voice that whispers stand firm! 

Remember David? The shepherd boy whom God used to do amazing things. I imagine David might have at one moment in his life had the urge to run. I can't imagine what would've happened if he had. Boy the stories have been different if David ran when he saw the lion, ran when he saw the bear… Or could you even imagine, what if he ran when he faced Goliath? 

Imagine Goliath standing there taunting David, taunting David's family, taunting David's nation. David could've turn tail and run, but he didn't. He did exactly what he was meant to do and that was to let God use him. No matter what the enemy was yelling, no matter what that giant would throw at him, David allowed God to use him in a way that showed how powerful our God really is. When David stooped to pick up those five stones he did so with the intent of killing Goliath. He intended to face his giant head on and he intended to win! 

In David's case it was a literal giant, but you and I each have our own giants. But there is no giant that can stand up to the power of God. So when I allow God to be manifest in me in such a way that it is him who is doing my fighting, then I become the victor! I am a winner when I choose to let God battle for me! We will always have giants in our lives, and we will always have battles to fight! But with God on our side we stand strong.

So the next time I am faced with an impossible situation, and the giants of my life come creeping in, I will not be putting on my running shoes. I will stand strong knowing that the Spirit of God that lives within me will give me the strength needed to fight my situation! I will pray that God gives me the words and the weapons to come out the victor!! I'll save my running for my victory lap!

Happy New Year!

As with each start of each new year, I am overwhelmed with the feeling of responsibility. The feeling comes when I look into the faces of each of my children. This year I have a few "goals" in mind… I want to be a better mom ( who doesn't), slow to anger (and yell😕😬) and fast to love (❤️love always, kiss them, hug them, tell them how special they are) I pray that I am reminded daily of how fast my time with them is passing and that before I know it I'll be kissing my baby goodbye as she sets off on a life of her own! It will be the saddest and most happiest day of my life! I pray that I will rest in the knowledge that I have done the best that I can equipping and enabling them to step out on their own, to live lives of faith, service, and dedication to Him. This year I want my actions to show my faith in deeper ways to each of my children. I want them to see that I live what I say. This is my fresh start!!!! Lord remind me that little eyes are watching and that I'm the only Jesus some will ever see!