"In self-discipline, one makes a 'disciple' of oneself. One is one's own teacher, trainer, coach, and 'disciplinarian'. William J. Bennett ( The Book of Virtues)
Self discipline was our first chapter in our study of the Book of Virtues. I thought it was a fitting start for our school year for what better way to commit ourselves wholeheartedly to the task of our studies than to begin with self-discipline. In the introduction to this chapter Bennett speaks of this self- discipline as being at the very center of successful everyday behavior, " whether it is controlling our tempers, or our appetites, or our inclinations to sit all day in front of the television." I immediately recognized the foremost concerns I had for each of my children regarding their own self-discipline. Eating too much, a flaring temper, too fast to fight, addicted to the TV...etc. I was prepared to use this study to show them the errors of their ways and set them on the straight path once again. But I had forgotten one very important element and that is to list my shortcoming in self-discipline.
How are we to show our children the way when so often we are not willing to correct our own behavior? The first Scripture we memorized this school year was 2 Timothy 1:7 " For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline." Without realizing it I had assumed that I did not need to work on any area of self-discipline in my life. That all changed as I observed the areas I thought my children needed to work on; it is then I realized what I had unknowingly passed on to them as acceptable behavior because I did not correct my behavior in front of them. Instead I had blasted a huge GREEN light telling them to go ahead and continue on this path of disrespect that had evolved out of a lack of self-discipline.
We are now all working on it and helping each other stick to our commitment of becoming more controlled by God rather than anger, obsession, or laziness. It is a long road especially for the young ones who are constantly in a state of change. They are changing, the world around them is changing and in the midst of all this I am asking them to stay in control.....what a task!
Why is this so important? In a world where the message of do what feels right and act how you want it blasted at us from every angle, this message of self discipline is so important. As adults we often find it hard to stay in control of our emotions, but with experience we have come to realize that for every emotional outburst there is usually a drastic consequence. For instance, if I get angry and throw the phone in the pool, I will be buying a new phone to replace a broken one. But children often have a disconnect between the outburst and consequence. It is our job as parents to show them from a young age that they must keep themselves under control. They are not responsible for anyone but them self and their own actions.
My youngest son has exhibited signs of a wonderfully colorful temper, when he is told no or has something taken away ( i.e. our cellphone or remotes) He instantly starts to cry and runs in any direction away from the one he is mad at. When he first started doing this he would throw himself to the ground and bang his head in the process. In his anger he always looked up as if we had somehow caused his new offense. Once I knew this was the process I would quickly follow him and keep him from throwing himself, telling him that this was not how we handle our anger. Of course he was screaming and I am sure he neither heard no understood what I was saying. But he no longer throws himself to the ground, banging his head. Is the temper still there? Yes! But we are making progress. I hope that we will have mastered just a fragment of self control in these still young years that will carry us through his childhood enabling him to calm himself, listen to reason, and change his behavior. I believe this is possible because I believe that with God all things are possible. Aristotle wrote that" Virtue, then, is of two kinds, intellectual and moral. Intellectual virtue springs from and grows from teaching, and therefore needs experience and time. Moral virtues come from habit....They are in us neither by nature, nor in despite of nature, but we are furnished by nature with the capacity for receiving them, and we develop them through habit....."
And so I challenge you to think of the things in your life as the parent that need correcting and then take a leap of faith that God will provide you with all you need to help set your children on the path of self-discipline.
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