Hide and Seek

 I was upstairs this afternoon, painting the kids bedroom doors, when a game of hide and seek broke out between Nathan 17, Benjamin 14, and the two littlest girls, 6 and 1.   Amelia quickly ran to hide in her room as Nathan started to count. They took turns being it, even Amelia had a turn and quickly counted to seven, before setting off to find her brothers. After a few fun games it was again Amelia’s turn to count. This time as I was painting the bathroom door I counted loudly with her all the way to 15.  Then off she ran to find her brothers again. She was in and out of the upstairs bedrooms, and could absolutely not find Nathan.  Finally Benjamin, who had been found  decided to help her.  Soon I heard a lot of laughter coming from Nathan’s bedroom.  And then much to my delight these words. “Ben, remember that time when Emily, you and I were really little, and mom hid in this closet for almost an hour and we couldn’t find her anywhere?” “it was awesome!”  They soon came into the bathroom to make sure that I too remembered that awesome game of hide and seek many years ago.  I did remember, and the memory made me smile.  It’s the little things in life that sometimes have the greatest impact.  And the fact the my 17 year old not only remembered the long ago game of hide and seek, but thought of it as an awesome time...(our games of indoor hide and seek were held almost nightly at one point and time and they were EPIC) and he and Ben chose to spend their afternoon playing with their sisters, that brings this momma’s heart some sweet joy.💕

New Perspective

It’s only halfway over and it’s a day from hell.   It’s sad really because it started out so sweetly when I looked into the face of my baby and said “good morning” to which she replied “mommy get coffee?” She knows me well. One cup of coffee and a bunch of crap later, I was desperately in need of something to turn my day around.

  I went in search of the Cosmic brownies my 6 year old had asked for to pack in her camp lunches this week.  The box was empty which was a good thing because that would have messed up my progress in my heath and fitness goals.  I thought about retail therapy, but I can’t afford to shop for things I don’t need and I couldn’t think of anything I needed, not even from the grocery store. I definitely thought a drink would be nice, but coffee wasn’t strong enough and it was too early for something stronger, besides I have a rule about drinking on a bad day.   

So I was left with only one option, and that’s how I ended up sitting here with my toes soaking in bubbling, hot, aromatic water while a complete stranger gives me a foot and leg massage.  Being around people is the absolute last thing I want right now, which make the salon the perfect place to hide out until I get control of my attitude.  Here they speak a totally different language and are not bothered at all by the fact that my smile is on hiatus and I’m not speaking except to answer their basic questions as to what services I’d like. 

As I sit here I’m contemplating the times Jesus needed a break from the crowds, from the disciples, even from his own family.  I can see Him shaking His head as He went off alone to pray, knowing full well that a nice long talk with the Father would put things back into perspective for Him.  

That’s what I’m desperately in need of right now..... the Father’s perspective.  I’m quite aware that anger and emotion are fueling these thoughts  I have right now.  It will take a miracle to change this attitude.  

So as I sit and enjoy the foot massage I’m seeking His power to overcome in these moments.  My flesh wants to hold on to the anger but my spirit is pleading with me to just let it go and experience what only God can give in these moments.  Peace.  His peace, the kind that lasts, that lingers, that seeps down into the very deepest parts of your souls where the dark and ugliness like to hide out.  Pease, the kind that helps you to see His love for you, and it overwhelms you to the point that tears flow and then He whispers.... “I love those that hurt you, and anger you with the same love.”  

And that’s when I realize the perfect stranger in front of me must think I am a complete basket case with tears streaming down my face I am incapable of smiling as she paints my toes so perfectly. If only she knew it was the power of His love washing over me.  Washing away this bad day, reminding me once again that He’s all I need on any kind of day.  That He’s big enough and strong enough to handle my problems and I can cast my cares on Him.

Thank you Father for a new perspective. My circumstances did not change just how I’m looking at them.  Through your eyes and that’s good enough for the moment.

The Accident

It only took one word before I knew something bad had happened. "Mom I need you to come.., car accident..., airbag deployed...., please come Mom, hurry."
I listened to the broken sentences on my iwatch, I knew I needed to answer the call on my phone, but it wasn't near me, and my gut said not to ignore the call.  It was my baby (my almost 19 year old baby).  She was one car in a four car pile up and she was scared.  I raced to get my car keys and jumped in my car, she was 20 minutes away and she needed me.  In those first moments I felt all kinds of emotion.  I was grateful she was making the phone call, I wanted to be there faster, to see for myself she was really ok,  I could here her voice saying, mom can you please just come, please come. I dialed her back as soon as I was in the car.  She kept asking me to come fast before the police starting questing them....it was in that moment that I knew she needed to do this on her own.  Her voice broke as she said she couldn't.  I prayed a quick prayer, steadied my voice and told her she had to.  I told her to take a deep breath, pray right them that God calm her, give the facts as she remembered and nothing else.  I would be there soon.  She had me on the phone when the questioning started, and I was so glad to hear her answer the questions calmly and clearly.  We pulled up on the scene moments later and I rushed to her.  Not one for physical contact she let me hold on to her and hugged me back.  I could see for myself she was banged up but ok.

I learned something today, something I already knew, but I saw it in a different way.  This momma can't fix everything.  I can't keep the bad things from happening.  God's been working on my big time about this.  I'm having to see and know in ways that aren't fun, that He's in charge.  My head knows but  my heart is slow to follow its lead.  I want only good for them as any mom would.  I don't want the pains of this would to infiltrate their lives, but the truth is...we live in a fallen world. So lately my praery has been for my kids to know and depend on Him way more than they do me.

Yesterday the Pastor said in the sermon that all Satan has to do to win is distract us from the things of the Lord.....he said Satan doesn't get to rule us....Satan won't get MY kids!!!!!!  My greatest desire is to know that my children walk with the Lord.  To see that He is guiding their steps and making their paths.

 I am not so naive to think that today could have had a different outcome; every time my kids leave the house I pray it won't be the last time I see their face.  I am so thankful for the protection He places on them.  I am thankful for the steps they themselves take to be safe.  But bad things still happen and the true test comes when we are faced with the bad things.  So tonight I'm thankful for the outcome, but my prayer is no matter what He allows me to walk through is this journey as a Mom, I serve and praise Him first, in the joy and the pain!