This is your life.....

Tonight our TV remained silent. We don't watch a lot of television, mostly movies, but tonight the kids opted for a game instead. We played our favorite, Dutch Blitz. The younger kids built with blocks while the older ones played the card game. It is a fast moving game and we often end up laughing and reaching over each other. Cards at times go flying and if we are not careful the sillies take over and the whole games must be stopped (someone calls DUTCH) and we take a moment to regroup. Tonight did not disappoint our oldest spent the game in a fit of giggles which resulted in a very goofy game and a score that showed it! As I played and watched all the silliness the words from a song came to mind. This is your life are you who you want to be? I am a doodler and without thinking these words appeared on the top of the score pad. Of course the others noticed and asked why I would write it.

Why did I write it? I think about it all the time. This is your life are you who you want to be? I know that there are so many people in this world living day to day, just barely surviving, living paycheck to paycheck. There are those who think that the next big break is just around the corner. But do they ever think this is it, this is all I will ever be or hope to be?

What about me, what do I think? Am I living the life I was meant to live? If I am to be perfectly honest, yes. I am living a dream. Do I have other dreams? Yes, but the life I wake to every morning is the best I can imagine. There are moments when I think that a bigger house and fewer bills would be ideal, but in reality I have all I will ever need. When you look at my life you may wonder how I could feel that way. I am an ordinary wife and mother, living an ordinary life. But I have an extraordinary situation. I have been given opportunities in the midst of motherhood that have solidified who I am and the choice I have made.

One thing I have determined is that I like to be home. I like the comfort and order of my home and the behavior of my family when we are following our daily schedule. I have seen how disruptive life becomes when I try to do too much "extra work", non mom type stuff, outside the home. I am the worship leader in my church and although I feel a calling to do this, it will never be my first calling. I have learned how to do that job without having it rule my time. There are many moms attempting to do many jobs at once, it doesn't always work out well. Usually when you are only able to give part of yourself to many commitments, something suffers. But overcommitment is not the topic tonight.

This is your life are you who you want to be? To me this is so much deeper then one might want it to be. As one who claims a relationship with Christ, I must ask myself, am I living as I should? Do I show Christ in the things I say and do. Honestly no, not always. I slip and fall and fail miserably daily. I say and do things of which I am ashamed. I have hurt people whom I love and turned my back on those in need. I have judged where I had no business judging. I am thankful each night that God doesn't keep score, but chose to once and for all forgive me that I might live free from the weight of my sin burden. There is such joy and relief in that knowledge. That I stand forgiven and accepted before God.

Am I who I want to be? I would have to say not yet. But I am clay! And I know that daily the Potter is making me who He wants me to be. And when I set my will in step with His I know that one day I will be who I want to be. In the meantime I will do my best to live as God desires, knowing that as my heavenly Father He wants what is best for me.

This is your life.....but it is not eternity. And so I am quite certain that while I have two feet planted firmly on this earth I will continue on as wife and mother. Failing at times and then starting over again. But I will start each day with the hope of eternity. Knowing that each day here brings me one day closer to life everlasting with my God.

Our Little Girls

I just read an email from one of my daughter's friends tonight. She is a few months older which puts her at 10 1/2 years old. The email sounded like it was written by a teenager, with a lot of hey girl and whatcha up 2, kind of stuff. Maybe I am old fashioned, but what ever happened to the innocence of little girls. Maybe I am overly sensitive to all this because of the fact that I am watching my own daughter grow up far too quickly and find that she is often influenced by a culture that encourages little girls to act more like teens. Or maybe I want better for our girls than they are receiving.

I read an interview today in Christianity Today. The interviewee was James Dobson. My hero. I love this man as if he were my own father. I put great stock in his opinion and was raised on his books and seek to follow his advice with my own children. His new book Bringing Up Girls has just been published. In the interview he was asked how culture, technology and stereotypes effect how girls are brought up. He spoke many times how our culture is moving toward greater sexual expression. My heart sank when I read those words for I realized at once how this has become true even in our home.

Turn on any TV program and you are in some way bombarded by this message of sexuality being cool. I don't know about you , but there is nothing cool about a 10 year old feeling the need to be sexy! And yet whether they see it or not our girls are being forced to grow up faster than they deserve. The message is thrust upon them in subtle ways, ie.. Disney Channel shows, the Twilight books, the clothes they buy (my personal favorite..booty shorts with all the words on the butt), they are told skinny is better, they listen to music sung by child Pop Stars about lost relationships and love gone bad...and so on.

Now before I get ahead of myself, let me say this. My daughter watches TV, she owns an iPod, she likes funky clothes, she uses email, etc. But she also loves to play with Barbies and Matchbox cars. She likes to cut and color cardboard boxes and make them into houses and forts. There is a healthy balance that can be achieved in allowing the world into your home and into the life of your daughter, without having it dictate her life or rob her of her innocence.

As moms it is our job to protect our little girls as they grow into womanhood. They are precious beings, flowers that need careful tending. They need to know that God created them unique and beautiful. How easy it would be to get caught up in the emotions of raising girls that we miss the opportunity to teach valuable lesson of self-worth, purity, and submission. (YES, I said submission. And purity! So sue me, I want the best possible for my girl!) But, alas the road is often paved with emotional outbursts, moodiness and a good case of the grouchies! When I was growing up we were not allowed to exhibit these unfavorable qualities and much to my satisfaction (and that of my husband) it has proven to have a lovely outcome. Emotions have a place, but they must not be allowed to rule superior in our lives. Moms need a plan for dealing with outbursts and need to keep in control of the situations as they arise. Moms and girls get along much better if there is open communication and a clear concise understanding that we are the authority over our girls, not their best friends. Friendship can come later, and if you do it right during the pre-teen and teen years, it most assuredly will come.

I think about 6 to 8 years from now and what I want for my daughter. I want her to be a woman who seeks after God. I want her to know her own mind and stand up for what she believes. I want her to be sexually pure and praying for a husband who will cherish the gift she will give to him. I want her above all to know that we love her and that God loves her, and that she matters and that God has a special design for her life.

A Saturday Trip

Our Nutty Bunch spent a lovely day touring an historic home in a neighboring town. With an early dinner out at a delicious new restaurant it was a wonderful ending to a perfect day. Sometimes you don't have to do much or go far to find a meaningful way to draw your family closer together. I enjoyed the funny and sometimes downright ridiculous comments of my children. What memories we made today!

My Evening Thoughts

I am sitting in a semi dark room tonight with so many thoughts, that I can not completely make sense of any of them. My children have all been tucked into their beds, the house is so quiet, except for my typing, that I can hear the crickets outside. I value this time. It gives me a chance to clear my head before I close my eyes to sleep, but lately sleep has eluded me. No amount of head clearing seems to settle my thoughts for rest. I have found that I end up praying in the dark and eventually fall asleep mid sentence.

All this a result of what is happening in the lives of our friends with the sick little girl, Ava. Believe it or not I truly feel in my gut we are about to see a miracle of God in her life. I have to believe it. And yet in the midst of all my thoughts and prayers for her family I can not help but think of my own.

Last night we sat as a family before bed and each offered a pray for Ava. My 8 year old son prayed that she would recover and be healthy again, but that if she only had a short time to live, would it be the best time of her life. I almost cried. Later, I found myself sitting on the deck outside looking up at the stars, when that same son joined me. He said to me, "mom if I could take Ava's place I would, because I know that when I die I will go to heaven forever". My heart broke.

We can learn a lot from our children, but only if we pay attention. So many times I have heard myself telling them "not now" or " maybe later". It seems that more often lately we have had quiet moments to share our thoughts, dreams, fears... I have been amazed at what lies just beneath the surface that often gets overlooked. It is so important to realize that every moment counts. Every smile, every kiss, every word of affection. The days pass quickly and we know not what tomorrow holds.

Sitting there with my precious son, I told him that Ava's father and mother, brother and probably a lot of other people felt the same way. If they could trade places with her they would. But if that is how much we love as humans, how much more so does our heavenly Father love us.

And so as I sit in the dark I remember the blessing of the day. I think of sweet chatter as we did our chores, laughter as the kids played outside, cheers for fresh cinnamon rolls, and soft smiles and warm hugs as we cuddled up for a nap.

Thank you Father for children for it through then we are taught selflessness. we can see love and trust in it's truest form. But Father without you and the gift of your son we would not fully understand these emotions. Thank you that through you we can love unconditionally. Thank you for each blessing in our lives and help us to not miss the simple ways you are using our children to make us better people, better mothers. That you for loving us so much that you sent your only son to die in our place, so that not one would perish, but have life eternal with you in heaven. My cup runneth over, Amen

Selfishness...my take on it

Something has been on my mind for sometime now and today I decided to write about it. I have observed lately that we as a nation and a world have become so selfish. It has happened in some capacity everywhere I look. Now I understand as well as the next person that we are living in hard times, but despite that fact our choices have not changed. We now only complain that we don't have or can't afford that which we deserve. Well in lies the problem. What we deserve. Honestly we deserve nothing. For the most part we are a lazy nation and we do just what is required to get by or wait till the last minute, and although we may complete the task we have not put our best into it. I have noticed that this attitude has affected all ages. Children believe they deserve whatever they desire, possibly fueled by the television they watch. They see that if you whine loud enough your parents eventually give in. I listen to the checkout clerks complain that they are "so tired" they've " been working all day". Since when do we think it is abnormal to work a full days work.

I have been blessed in that I do not want for the necessities in life. My children are well fed and clothed. They have had opportunities to play sports and take dance lessons. We eat out in a restaurants 3 or 4 time a month. We have a large family and I believe that we should teach our children to work for what they get. And that a reward should only be taken if it is deserved. We all have chores in our family, but money is only earned for special jobs, not everyday chores. Those are done because we are all a part of this family and we work together to make our house run smoothly. I know my children have tendencies just like everyone else to want all that they see, but I am working hard to show them the true value of a dollar and how good it feels to work for what you have.

OK, so lately it has really bothered me to see the lines at various establishments for "free stuff". Free food, free drinks, free donuts, free admittance to parks and museums. While all of these things have a place and can be a great reward to some very well meaning people. I am annoyed that people will do just about anything for something free. Even dressing up like a cow for free food. Think about it folks, a cow, for food???

I guess maybe I just don't get it. What ever happened to working hard, making an honest dollar, and paying for what you get. This issue is portrayed is a bigger fashion when I look at our government. It is no wonder that we have lost our self respect. For we have seen that if you whine loud enough you get whatever you want.

I hope to shield my family from the infiltration of this negative attitude. We will work hard, pay for what we want, and only take a reward that we deserve. I believe we can change the world one person, or one family at a time. I know that what truly matters is not if we have 558 cable channels, but where our eternity lies. I know that my Savior died, so that you and I might have forgiveness of sins, our debt paid, and the hope of life everlasting. So in light of the fact that I have already been given more than I deserve, I think that from this moment forward I will be thankful for what I have and work hard for the things I need.

Trust

Each of my children upon their arrival has taken up a portion of my heart never again to be filled by anyone else. As each one was placed on me after their birth the feeling of unspeakable love overwhelmed my heart. When my first child was born I rocked her in the hospital and started to sing, I love You Lord and I lift my voice to worship You, O my soul rejoice. Take joy my King in what You hear, may it be a sweet sweet song in Your ear. I was exhausted but these words came to me as I held the precious bundle with which God had blessed me. With each child's arrival I would sit and rock and sing those word. As exhausted as I was I took time to worship my God and thank Him for the blessings in my life. At those moments all seemed right with my world. And I could not imagine hardship or trial, I just reveled in the beauty of the moment.




As the years pass and I watch my children grow I become more aware of how precious life is and the danger that surrounds us. How easy it would be to become consumed with this danger and uncertainty of life that I no longer enjoy my children, but instead work daily to ensure their safety. How foolish this would be. The Lord has entrusted them into my care, but my children belong to Him. I do not say this lightly, remember they own my heart and everything I do is for them, but I rest in the knowledge that the best care I can take of them is nothing compared to that of God's.





In order for me to face the uncertainties of each day I have to place my trust in my all knowing, ever present Father in heaven. I have seen pain and suffering in this life. I have lost loved ones and friends. I have sung songs at funerals for little ones to young to die. I have driven passed car accidents with children involved and my heart has gone out to those people involved. But my little world has not been struck by life changing tragedy. I deal with my share of injuries and issues, but each night I kiss each of my children goodnight and tuck them into bed.




I believe all that happens in our lives is to prepare for the challenges we will face. We accept the little things that help us grow and become stronger and more prepared for our purpose here or we can resent and question every thing that happens, in turn growing more bitter and unprepared for what lies ahead. We can question God every step of the way, argue with Him and grow apart from His will or we can place our trust in the one who loves us so much He gave His only Son to die that we might have a chance at eternal life with Him. I have lived my life with God as my foundation and have told God that I trust Him in all things and will not question WHY?, no matter the trial. This has not always been easy and God and I have had some pretty intense talks, but I know that to question the One on whom I stand would crumble my foundation. When tragedy strikes and I find myself lying broken on the floor I know the only One who can pick me up is my Lord. If I say I trust Him to take care of me in the good times I have to trust even more that He is my strength in time of pain and suffering.



And so I have placed each of my children back in His care. I have thanked Him for allowing me to be their mother and asked that He give me the necessary tools to instill in them the same trust in their own lives.



As parents we are to lead by example. Trust is something we can show our children each day. We should look for ways that God is providing for us in small ways so that we are strengthened and encouraged that he is in control. I do not have all the answers and do not pretend to know all about God. That is where my faith takes over. What I do know is that He loves me. He never promised that my life would be easy, just that he would walk with me. I rest in the knowledge that my future and the futures of my children are in His almighty hands.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Little Moments

Tonight I played on the floor with my youngest son. He just turned one year old and is a delight. As we sat on the floor and played with blocks he began to stack them instead of knocking down my stack. These were not easy blocks to keep one on top of the other and so it took him some time to keep it steady. More often than not he would let go as it was teetering on the edge and it would fall. He took great delight in this as well and just laughed as he tried again. I laughed right along with him. This continued for some time before he became distracted with one of the blocks and began to just sit and play with it.

As I watched him I thought about his first year and what his life ahead would be like. I was thankful that in the midst of all that goes on in our busy house that I could take some time to play with him. I could enjoy him and watch him explore his little world. I was free at that moment to just be with him and laugh with him.

How often do we allow ourselves to become so busy with "things that need to be done" or work to provide all that we think they need, that we don't take the time to just be with our kids. It's really all they want. I am trying harder to listen to my kids, to sit with them and talk about what is going on in their lives and the thoughts in those little heads of theirs. I am trying to say yes to more and not try to wait for a better time. (More on this later). Most of all I want and I don't want to miss one minute or precious moment!

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the blessing of my children. Thank you for the moments that we are able to laugh together and talk. Thank you for playtime and snuggle time. Help me to keep the lines of communication open so that as they grow they will know that they can come to me with any problem or concern. Help me to show them that they are more important than any task I may need to complete. And help me to not get so lost in my work and life that I forget that my purpose as a mother is to see to the needs of my children. Thank you for loving me and helping me to see the areas in my life that I need to work on to become all that you have created me to be. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen