This is your life.....

Tonight our TV remained silent. We don't watch a lot of television, mostly movies, but tonight the kids opted for a game instead. We played our favorite, Dutch Blitz. The younger kids built with blocks while the older ones played the card game. It is a fast moving game and we often end up laughing and reaching over each other. Cards at times go flying and if we are not careful the sillies take over and the whole games must be stopped (someone calls DUTCH) and we take a moment to regroup. Tonight did not disappoint our oldest spent the game in a fit of giggles which resulted in a very goofy game and a score that showed it! As I played and watched all the silliness the words from a song came to mind. This is your life are you who you want to be? I am a doodler and without thinking these words appeared on the top of the score pad. Of course the others noticed and asked why I would write it.

Why did I write it? I think about it all the time. This is your life are you who you want to be? I know that there are so many people in this world living day to day, just barely surviving, living paycheck to paycheck. There are those who think that the next big break is just around the corner. But do they ever think this is it, this is all I will ever be or hope to be?

What about me, what do I think? Am I living the life I was meant to live? If I am to be perfectly honest, yes. I am living a dream. Do I have other dreams? Yes, but the life I wake to every morning is the best I can imagine. There are moments when I think that a bigger house and fewer bills would be ideal, but in reality I have all I will ever need. When you look at my life you may wonder how I could feel that way. I am an ordinary wife and mother, living an ordinary life. But I have an extraordinary situation. I have been given opportunities in the midst of motherhood that have solidified who I am and the choice I have made.

One thing I have determined is that I like to be home. I like the comfort and order of my home and the behavior of my family when we are following our daily schedule. I have seen how disruptive life becomes when I try to do too much "extra work", non mom type stuff, outside the home. I am the worship leader in my church and although I feel a calling to do this, it will never be my first calling. I have learned how to do that job without having it rule my time. There are many moms attempting to do many jobs at once, it doesn't always work out well. Usually when you are only able to give part of yourself to many commitments, something suffers. But overcommitment is not the topic tonight.

This is your life are you who you want to be? To me this is so much deeper then one might want it to be. As one who claims a relationship with Christ, I must ask myself, am I living as I should? Do I show Christ in the things I say and do. Honestly no, not always. I slip and fall and fail miserably daily. I say and do things of which I am ashamed. I have hurt people whom I love and turned my back on those in need. I have judged where I had no business judging. I am thankful each night that God doesn't keep score, but chose to once and for all forgive me that I might live free from the weight of my sin burden. There is such joy and relief in that knowledge. That I stand forgiven and accepted before God.

Am I who I want to be? I would have to say not yet. But I am clay! And I know that daily the Potter is making me who He wants me to be. And when I set my will in step with His I know that one day I will be who I want to be. In the meantime I will do my best to live as God desires, knowing that as my heavenly Father He wants what is best for me.

This is your life.....but it is not eternity. And so I am quite certain that while I have two feet planted firmly on this earth I will continue on as wife and mother. Failing at times and then starting over again. But I will start each day with the hope of eternity. Knowing that each day here brings me one day closer to life everlasting with my God.