My Evening Thoughts

I am sitting in a semi dark room tonight with so many thoughts, that I can not completely make sense of any of them. My children have all been tucked into their beds, the house is so quiet, except for my typing, that I can hear the crickets outside. I value this time. It gives me a chance to clear my head before I close my eyes to sleep, but lately sleep has eluded me. No amount of head clearing seems to settle my thoughts for rest. I have found that I end up praying in the dark and eventually fall asleep mid sentence.

All this a result of what is happening in the lives of our friends with the sick little girl, Ava. Believe it or not I truly feel in my gut we are about to see a miracle of God in her life. I have to believe it. And yet in the midst of all my thoughts and prayers for her family I can not help but think of my own.

Last night we sat as a family before bed and each offered a pray for Ava. My 8 year old son prayed that she would recover and be healthy again, but that if she only had a short time to live, would it be the best time of her life. I almost cried. Later, I found myself sitting on the deck outside looking up at the stars, when that same son joined me. He said to me, "mom if I could take Ava's place I would, because I know that when I die I will go to heaven forever". My heart broke.

We can learn a lot from our children, but only if we pay attention. So many times I have heard myself telling them "not now" or " maybe later". It seems that more often lately we have had quiet moments to share our thoughts, dreams, fears... I have been amazed at what lies just beneath the surface that often gets overlooked. It is so important to realize that every moment counts. Every smile, every kiss, every word of affection. The days pass quickly and we know not what tomorrow holds.

Sitting there with my precious son, I told him that Ava's father and mother, brother and probably a lot of other people felt the same way. If they could trade places with her they would. But if that is how much we love as humans, how much more so does our heavenly Father love us.

And so as I sit in the dark I remember the blessing of the day. I think of sweet chatter as we did our chores, laughter as the kids played outside, cheers for fresh cinnamon rolls, and soft smiles and warm hugs as we cuddled up for a nap.

Thank you Father for children for it through then we are taught selflessness. we can see love and trust in it's truest form. But Father without you and the gift of your son we would not fully understand these emotions. Thank you that through you we can love unconditionally. Thank you for each blessing in our lives and help us to not miss the simple ways you are using our children to make us better people, better mothers. That you for loving us so much that you sent your only son to die in our place, so that not one would perish, but have life eternal with you in heaven. My cup runneth over, Amen