The New Year

Dear Father in Heaven,

As I approach this new year I thank You for time. The time I have had in the past year to know You better through all of the incidents and challenges I have experienced. I thank You that You are a God who forgives because I have failed in so many ways to do what is right in Your eyes, and I have often chosen the path that is easier, but that also leads away from Your will for my life. I pray that in the coming year I allow You to guide me in all things, may my feet stand firm on the path You set before me, may my words be only those of honesty and love, may my actions point others to You.


We are only given a short time on this earth, so help me to remember that as a Christian I need to show Your love to others. Help me to live my life in such a way that others see Your light pouring from me.

How awesome You are Father. One, that You would love such a wretch as me, and two, that You would love me enough to send Your Son to die so I will not perish. I can not thank You enough or ever repay such a debt. As I look inside myself I acknowledge that I do not deserve such a gift, but I thank You so much for doing what I could not do.


I often fail You in so many ways. I do not always love my husband as I should and I disrespect his authority, I allow my children to disobey me and disrespect is brought about, I am often lazy, wasting the time I have on this earth. I am hurtful in my speech and actions, and I ask You to forgive me. Help me in the new year to think before speaking or acting. Help me to live a life that will glorify You. Help me as I raise my children to love You and put You first. Help me to love my husband and strive harder to work as a team in our marriage and partnership as parents. May I be a blessing this year in some way to all those I meet. Give me eyes to see needs and the strength to accomplish tasks, and as I work at all these things may I grow more in love with You, the Lover of my soul. Amen

Perfection

I consider myself a perfectionist in therapy. I have always liked things done in a certain way and order. In our first home with only two children everything had a place and each night before bed all was tidy and right in my little world. I was happy. I am still happy, but a new home( that we have been remodeling since we moved in) and 3 children later, I am no longer surrounded by order. It is not always easy for me, but I am learning that there are more important things than having the crayons sorted by color.

Tonight we had a (not so funny) funny thing happen. We have just finished a (two week)remodel of our upstairs kid's bathroom. It was started in February, my husband said it would take two weeks so I say go for it. As you can see it has taken over 8 months. Mostly because my husband also likes things done perfectly. Unfortunately his perfection takes a very long time. He went to great lengths to insure that everything was of the best quality, did all the work himself, putting in special water barriers to protect against leaks. He does not like plumbing and that was the major cause for delay, but he finally prevailed and the bathroom was ready for use.

As we sat downstairs this evening our daughter called down to us that water was all over the bathroom floor. I ran up to see what had happened as my husband noticed that it was leaking from the vents and recessed can lights into the kitchen, which is under the bathroom. I immediately set to mopping up the water which had resulted from the curtain not being properly in the shower as our daughter prepared to shower. My husband checked the attic for the extent of the damage. and mopped up the kitchen.

The water had leaked under the door past all the precautionary measures he had taken and found a crack in the deck to seep into the kitchen. I can not help but laugh a little.

Perfection is not something we can attain, because God is always showing us ways to improve, we will never fully get there. And it is only through Him that we are made perfect and I am not even sure that will happen until we are face to face with Him. So I will remember this evening with a smile. Because I believe it is a reminder that although we may strive for perfection...there is always room for improvement.

Friday's Funny

Two of my children, Boy 6, Girl 4, were in the car with me running errands. My daughter asked if I had sat in her carseat in the back of our car when I was little like her. My son answered, "No they didn't have cars when mom was little!"

It's the most Wonderful Time of The Year????? Really???

So if you are knee deep in Christmas prep like me, you might be asking yourself that very question. I currently have a million things running around in my head and not enough hours left in the year to complete them all, but I know that somehow it will all come together and everything will get done and I will sigh with great relief that once again my Christmas miracle has come.


This evening I my cell phone rang around dinner time (which was leftovers for anyone who wished and we did not eat together) and it was my Pastor (remember I volunteer as worship leader in my church). I though it odd that he would call in the evening so I answered to see what was up and was met with the question, " what are you doing up at 2:30 in the morning." I was caught off guard only because I had been scrubbing floors around that time last night or this morning rather, and had no idea how he knew that. I asked how he knew I was up, " what have you seen or heard?" I joked. He had in fact received an automated email to a party we are having reminding him to come and it was sent at that early hour. I told him that I did not send the email, but that Evite does that all on its own. He responded, " but you were up because you just admitted that when you asked how I knew you were up." So true, " well," I told him, "that is when I get my best work done." He told me I should get more sleep and take better care of myself. I hung up and darted out the door with a full shopping list and my to do list. It is now 11:51p.m. as I write.

I say all that because as moms we often do not have the time in the daylight hours to accomplish all that we need to get done. I love the night and am thankful these hours are available for me to play catch up. I love my sleep, but it is always fitful knowing there are things I have left undone during my day. The same is true for when I have left something undone or unsaid with my husband or children. I am learning that as busy as we are as moms we need to slow down handle things as they arise and take time to do and say what we are thinking and feeling.

Tonight I sat with my eldest daughter and finished up our annual Christmas ornaments. We make them every year to give as gifts to our friends and family at our Christmas open house. It was late and the house was quiet as we worked and talked, just the two of us. My night time is also the time I get to talk to God without distraction. It is the time I hear Him most, when all is quiet and I take the time to listen. Sometimes He tells me I am doing an OK job with my life as mom and wife, other times He shows me areas that desperately need work. But it is always in the night that I feel Him the most. He reminds me that today was just one day and tomorrow I might get another. But if tomorrow doesn't come will I sleep tonight knowing I did my best for Jesus.

Lord, In this time of year when everything seems to speed up, help me to slow down. Help me to see that there are people who need You. Help me to see the needs of those around me and take an extra moment, even when it feels I am running out of time. Mostly do not let me get so caught up in the frantic need to hurry up and have a good holiday that I forget that You sent Jesus, My Savior, and that is why we celebrate. Help me to instill these precious truths in my children so that as they grow their memories are filled with You and the Savior's birth. Thank You for the time I do have, and thank you for coffee! Amen

Clean Hands

Often I am approached by my youngest children and asked to smell their hands. They stand before me with a dripping wet shirt, and a big smile and I at once know that I need to buy more soap. They are so excited to have clean hands. As I smelled my daughter's sweet peppermint hands this morning I was at once struck by the thought of spiritual cleanliness. In this season of celebrating the Savior's birth we can not help but look to his death. For that is the ultimate reason God the Father sent Him to earth.


We took our children to visit a local church that was offering a Journey Thru Bethlehem to the public. It was amazing and I watched the delight of it all play on my children's faces. But we came to the scene of the cross. The women knelt at the foot and wept, Jesus breathed His last breath, and declared " it is finished," and tears filled my eyes as I heard the soldier whisper, "truly this was the Son of God." At that moment my thoughts were of the horrific death this soldier had been a part of creating and yet at the moment of death he truly believed, and his belief cleansed him.


We are filth, cleansed only by the shed blood of Christ. I can not imagine having to carry around my faults, my failure, my wrong actions and attitudes, my sinfulness.... I stood there that night and my heart overflowed with thanksgiving and awe at the sacrifice my Lord provided for me the most unworthy of all. Because of him there is joy and freshness. A cleanliness that no other could provide.

" For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23
" Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved." Acts 16:31

Heavenly Father,

Thank for that day so long ago when you sent Your one and only Son into this wretched world to allow forgiveness for all. Thank you for the sacrifice of His life and His shed blood that enable us to know you in a personal way and call you our heavenly Father. we can not ever fully comprehend how you could have given so much for us. We know our sin and see our filth and acknowledge that we do not deserve the gift You offer. That You Lord for loving us and paying our sin debt so that we might have life everlasting with You. Amen

Christmas Decorations

We lugged the Christmas bins out of the attic and stacked them in the hall. I was at once overwhelmed!!! I ask myself every year, "why so much", and each year a little bit more stays packed up. There are a few things though that will always be set up in our home during the holiday and as my children grow older they remember these items and look forward to decorating our house with them.

I was in the kitchen when my 6 year old son came in and asked when we would set up the Christmas German Shepherd. I was busy and my thoughts immediately went to DOG. I told him I had no idea what decoration that was and he said, " you have to know we set it up every year." I asked him to show me and that is when he took me to the box holding our Nativity! It will from this day forward be called the Christmas German Shepherd!!!

The Gift of Love

"Love suffereth long, and is kind..." I Corinthians 13:4-8

"Love is premeditated, it is spontaneous,, ie., it bursts up in extraordinary ways." Oswald Chambers

When I think of spontaneous love I think about how I felt when I laid eyes on my first baby girl. It was a rough labor and I think we were both really worn out, but the moment I set my sight on her, my heart burst with a love I did not know existed.


I have known the story of Jesus' birth since childhood, but did not truly understand the gift my heavenly Father gave that night. He chose to place His most precious one in the arms of a girl and knew the path He would follow would only bring pain and suffering. All for my sake. I have heard the story, but without the love I discovered for my children, I did not completely grasp the depth of love exhibited on that quiet Bethlehem night.


And so as I celebrate this season many sentiments and traditions bring tears to my eyes. I often find myself busy with some Christmas task when a song or story causes me to pause and reflect on my Savior. We tend to get caught up in the fun of the holidays and easily forget the true meaning. The moment Christ entered the world His purpose was to die as our sacrifice on Calvary. That sacrifice is what enables us to know in an intimate way the love of God.

I wonder if we can truly love, the kind of sacrificial, unconditional love, without the acceptance of our Savior's love. Many might argue that you do not need to be saved from sin in order to love, but there is still a question in my heart that asks how can we love as Christ without His forgiveness? Oswald Chambers wrote, " The springs of love are in God, not in us. It is absurd to look for the love of God naturally, it is only there when it has been shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit."


I am overwhelmed to think that God loved me so much that He gave His only son that I might have life and love everlasting. What a gift. As I look at my children this night my heart burst with love for them and I thank my heavenly Father for the precious gift He gave, so that I might know LOVE.

Friday's Funny a day early!

I asked my one year old son to help put some things in the living room away. He willingly picked up the toys and put them in the toy box, he helped me put the remotes back on the TV stand, and when I handed him my favorite pair Gianni Bini strappy heels to put in my closet, he trotted off to my room. He returned moments later with a big smile of accomplishment. I thanked him for his help and set off on another task. Hours later I was in my bathroom and went to throw something in the trash when I discovered my favorite heels in the trash can!!! We will be repeating that lesson!

Self Control

"In self-discipline, one makes a 'disciple' of oneself. One is one's own teacher, trainer, coach, and 'disciplinarian'. William J. Bennett ( The Book of Virtues)

Self discipline was our first chapter in our study of the Book of Virtues. I thought it was a fitting start for our school year for what better way to commit ourselves wholeheartedly to the task of our studies than to begin with self-discipline. In the introduction to this chapter Bennett speaks of this self- discipline as being at the very center of successful everyday behavior, " whether it is controlling our tempers, or our appetites, or our inclinations to sit all day in front of the television." I immediately recognized the foremost concerns I had for each of my children regarding their own self-discipline. Eating too much, a flaring temper, too fast to fight, addicted to the TV...etc. I was prepared to use this study to show them the errors of their ways and set them on the straight path once again. But I had forgotten one very important element and that is to list my shortcoming in self-discipline.



How are we to show our children the way when so often we are not willing to correct our own behavior? The first Scripture we memorized this school year was 2 Timothy 1:7 " For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline." Without realizing it I had assumed that I did not need to work on any area of self-discipline in my life. That all changed as I observed the areas I thought my children needed to work on; it is then I realized what I had unknowingly passed on to them as acceptable behavior because I did not correct my behavior in front of them. Instead I had blasted a huge GREEN light telling them to go ahead and continue on this path of disrespect that had evolved out of a lack of self-discipline.


We are now all working on it and helping each other stick to our commitment of becoming more controlled by God rather than anger, obsession, or laziness. It is a long road especially for the young ones who are constantly in a state of change. They are changing, the world around them is changing and in the midst of all this I am asking them to stay in control.....what a task!



Why is this so important? In a world where the message of do what feels right and act how you want it blasted at us from every angle, this message of self discipline is so important. As adults we often find it hard to stay in control of our emotions, but with experience we have come to realize that for every emotional outburst there is usually a drastic consequence. For instance, if I get angry and throw the phone in the pool, I will be buying a new phone to replace a broken one. But children often have a disconnect between the outburst and consequence. It is our job as parents to show them from a young age that they must keep themselves under control. They are not responsible for anyone but them self and their own actions.


My youngest son has exhibited signs of a wonderfully colorful temper, when he is told no or has something taken away ( i.e. our cellphone or remotes) He instantly starts to cry and runs in any direction away from the one he is mad at. When he first started doing this he would throw himself to the ground and bang his head in the process. In his anger he always looked up as if we had somehow caused his new offense. Once I knew this was the process I would quickly follow him and keep him from throwing himself, telling him that this was not how we handle our anger. Of course he was screaming and I am sure he neither heard no understood what I was saying. But he no longer throws himself to the ground, banging his head. Is the temper still there? Yes! But we are making progress. I hope that we will have mastered just a fragment of self control in these still young years that will carry us through his childhood enabling him to calm himself, listen to reason, and change his behavior. I believe this is possible because I believe that with God all things are possible. Aristotle wrote that" Virtue, then, is of two kinds, intellectual and moral. Intellectual virtue springs from and grows from teaching, and therefore needs experience and time. Moral virtues come from habit....They are in us neither by nature, nor in despite of nature, but we are furnished by nature with the capacity for receiving them, and we develop them through habit....."


And so I challenge you to think of the things in your life as the parent that need correcting and then take a leap of faith that God will provide you with all you need to help set your children on the path of self-discipline.

Time For A Break

Today is our last day of school until the new year. While to some it may seem like an enormously huge Christmas break, it is just what is needed in this Nutty household. I am looking forward to it. Partly to regain some lost ground, but mostly so that I can breathe during this season. I am a planner (remember??) I even plan about planning. But lately I have been unfocused and hectic. I have tried to convince myself that this is perfectly normal for a large family and that eventually I will just get used to it. I like perfection and I have watched it quietly slip away from me at a most alarming rate. I most certainly am not happy about this and have started to become very nervous that I will never reclaim the organization and schedule on which I thrive. I have decided that this is not how it should be and I am not happy with the sloppy, always late, never quite together family we have become. And I plan to take my life back!



My first order of business this season was to commit to nothing regarding our church. This year we will attend regular Sunday morning service, but this year I will not head up our Christmas Adult Music program, or the Children's Musical, or the Live Nativity. Do you know how great it feels to know that this month I have TIME!!!! Time to spend doing things with my children that will build lasting memories and tradition. We have been working on refreshing the memories of our littlest ones on the words to a few Christmas carols, and plan to visit a nursing home to sing and deliver Christmas cards. I could not have imagined fitting this in last year.



We also plan to bake, something that I always seems to run out of time for and I end up cheating by making a huge batch of spritz cookies, sprinkling on some sugar and calling that my holiday baking. This year I have purchased a lovely cookie magazine and I plan to bake as many different varieties of cookie that I can.



I have also collected a very nice pile of Christmas books over the years, a lovey advent calendar and Christmas devotional. I plan to have a family reading time each night to count down the days to Christmas.

For the SCHOOL record, so far I have art (cards), math (baking) and reading covered.........

Last year we were so busy with the work I was doing that we didn't have time to drive around to see lights, have a cookie painting party, or paint our holiday T-shirts (thankfully my sister came over to paint with my kids so they didn't miss out, but I never sat down with them), My annual Christmas ornament was completed in the middle of the night and I barely had time to focus on the true meaning of the season. I was tired and irritable and just wanted it all to end. The best part of last year was when we packed up our Travel Trailer on New Year's Eve and hit the road, we spent a wonderful few days in Savannah, just our family. It was cold and a little rainy, but it was fantastic. So before this season gets away from me once again, I have set the ground rules.



I have made my lists and I am checking them off (this brings me great satisfaction).



I have scheduled the events that are really important to me for our family.




I have finished my shopping!!!!!!





I have chosen my cookies, ornament design, and bought our T-shirts.





I have purchased our Christmas clothes, shoes and all (shoes are difficult in our family).






Our Christmas photos have been taken and the Christmas card is ready to be printed.






I am now ready to enjoy this month and that is the reason there will be no ( sit at the table with open books) school. There will be fun and laughter. We will make messes and play games. We will be using the lessons we have learned up until now in everything we do. But it will be a break and we will all emerge from this season renewed and refreshed, ready to delve back into our books and the wonderful world of learning. As a mom I write this with a smile in my heart. To know that I get the weeks ahead to truly enjoy my family free from the stresses that only outside influence brings is such a joy. Family is precious, time is fleeting and I plan to make every moment count. May you and your family enjoy every moment of this Blessed Season!

Happy Thanksgiving!

First of all I can not believe that I have put this off until the morning of Thanksgiving. The truth of the matter is I did not procrastinate out of laziness, but rather out of emotional overload. When I think back over the last year it feels like 10 years. So much has happened both physically and emotionally in my life that I am most thankful for the hand of God the holds mine through all things. Secondly I am thankful for my husband and how he gives me strength. I have noticed that that strength does not always come easily, but I could not imagine one day of my life without him. Our anniversary is this weekend and I look forward to spending three wonderful days alone with the man I am madly in love with most days, and threaten to replace on some!!!

I am thankful for the strength of my family ( mom, dad, brothers and sisters...etc) and how in the midst of tragic or tragedy we are a family the binds together and when all are doing the part they were designed by God to do in our family, we are a well oiled machine. I am blessed to have them even on the days they are most frustrating.

I am thankful for my beautiful children. They have taught me so many lessons this year. One is that I may not ever have it all together ever again, but I have also never enjoyed life as much as I do now. I may always be somewhat buried under the laundry of 5 children, but I can not even thinks of what a day would look like without one of them here. I thank God for each of them today and the qualities with which He blessed each of them. I have my challenges, but if I am faithful in my commitment to raising them up as God has said them I will prevail.

I am thankful for friends. A few have stood above the rest this year and for that I am truly thankful. I am discovering what a true friend is and learning not to be hurt when I discover I do not have many true friends. But finding myself blessed with the ones I do have.

I am thankful for our schooling. What a privilege and joy it is to have my kids schooled at home. What peace it brings me to know that I am laying a strong, Biblical foundation for them to stand upon in the coming years. How thankful I am to know that their formative years are being shaped by me and my husband and that we can rest in the knowledge that they are better off for it. There are many years ahead for them to be bombarded with the problems and choices of this world we live in and I pray they will stand strong on the foundation of God.

I am thankful for my country, my home and neighborhood, my church, but mostly I am thankful for the forgiveness of my Savior. Because it is through Him and the relationship He offers that I am able to face each day. Psalm 118:24 "This is the day that the Lord has made let us rejoice and be glad in it."

May each of you have a blessed Thanksgiving!

Today.....

I awoke this morning with a renewed sense of purpose. A keen awareness of how fragile and fleeting life truly is. Sweet little Ava went home to be with Jesus yesterday. My heart is breaking for the loss her family is feeling, but at the same time rejoicing for I know Ava now dances in the arms of Jesus, and that somehow God is His awesome power is reaching down to earth and holding her parents and brother in that same embrace.

Ava's life was not in vain. Even if you did not know her she touched you. Her life was lived with purpose and meaning. It has caused me to question my own life and what I hold dear. Ava's dad wrote often in his blog about precious moments of time. How they are spent, what we say and do with them....

Would you live today differently if you knew it was your last of the last of your child? Do you know where your eternity lies? So often we strive for the perfect life. We spend our days trying to put all the pieces of our life together so perfectly, so beautifully, but this world is not our home. In Luke 12:20 Jesus says "this very night your life will be demanded of you."

As I look in to the faces of my children I desire one thing. To see to the best of my ability that their eternity lies in Jesus Christ, and that as death claims life, we will meet again in eternity. Each one must choose for himself. But my purpose as their mother is to show Jesus in everything I do. I will spend my time with them more carefully, choose words that will build up instead of tear down, I will praise them more often, and hold them more tightly. Because I know a Savior who loves me. He is everything to me.

How will you live today? Do you know that if your life was taken that you would see Jesus face to face? Have you asked Him to cover your sin with His blood and make you a child of God? I pray so, because life without Jesus is no life at all.

Heavenly Father,
How wonderful you are. You see every detail of ours lives and you love us still. You care for us in a most intricate way and if we truly desire we can see your hand at work around us. Thank you Father, that you are our comfort in times of grief and that we know we rest in your loving arms. Thank you for excepting us as we are for I know that there is nothing on earth we could do to every deserve that sacrifice of Your Son or the shed blood to cover our sin. One of the hardest things and at the same time the easiest thing, is trusting You completely. Knowing that we do not need to have all the answers, but rest in the knowledge that You see the greater picture. You see yesterday, and today, and the future. And all you require from us is trust. Today I put my hand in Yours and my feet in step with You and I offer You all that I am no matter what. Take my life, I offer it wholly unto Your will and plan. Mold me and make me what You would have me to be. Let my life be a living testimony of Your greatness, mercy, and love. I love you Jesus, Amen

Odd Socks

The dreaded odd sock basket, we have a love hate relationship. I usually put the kids to the task of matching them up and I pay a nickel per matched pair. My oldest daughter was really great at this, but we found out the boys just fold socks together whether they match or not. Dad was not too happy about this after multiple attempts at trying to find a matched pair in in his drawer.

I am always trying to come up with fun ways to deal with laundry and the sock basket is no exception. This morning we had a blast sorting and matching socks. Over the weekend I had done marathon laundry. I kept washing and folding but didn't match the socks, they were just put in the basket.

This morning I brought the kids into the living room and we "math" matched the socks. What a blast. All of the kids ages 2-10 helped and played the math games. We did fractions and addition, we multiplied and their personal favorite divisibility. They had such fun making small piles of socks to see how many groups of 4 go into 40, and so on...

They really didn't think of it as math and only my oldest said it was just a "tricky way of getting the socks matched". Well no matter what is was it accomplished two tasks at once and neither one felt like a chore. It was a win-win situation!

The Start of School

It is August and the start of school is just around the corner. We took the summer off this year and had such fun swimming, bowling, watching movies, working in the yard and garden, and just plain having fun. I have spent the last week preparing to prepare for school. I have made all my lists and have done a lot of research and now I am ready to spend this week getting everything in order. We will be taking a different route this year and trying our hand at notebooking and lapbooking, www.NotebookingPages.com. I am very excited as this will allow us to study one subject at multi age/work levels.

Our curriculum does not exist. I have downloaded the work pages to go along with the Book of Virtues and look forward to using it to enhance our reading and understanding of this great book and the lessons it holds. I will once again be using Hooked on Phonics ( Kindergarten and 1st grade) and for the older kids the Brain Quest Comprehensive Workbook, grade level appropriate. I will use books from Abeka for History and Math, Bob Jones for English, and the Internet for whatever we can't find on the bookshelves.

What I look forward to most this year is a more laid back, hands on approach in which all my children will enjoy taking part. We plan to read A LOT! and I even have some audio surprises for them thanks to www.homeschoolfreebieoftheday.com and www.homeschoolradioshows.com.
We will continue to garden and maybe this year get more serious about 4H; our summer garden did pretty well despite the heat. We look forward to a fall garden and will change the layout a bit, but really liked our garden plot and how easy it was to tend.

This fall we have a trip planned to Washington D.C. and the surrounding area. The kids have spent a great deal of time on the computer planning and researching places they would like to visit. This week we will take a trip to our local AAA office and pick up some AAA Guidebooks and maps so that we are prepared for our trip. We will be camping for two weeks, something we love doing...tips on this later.

I still have not found a reading list (grade level) that I love and this is where my mom will come in handy. She has a multitude of books and will keep us well supplied throughout the school year. Not only that but she will be able to help us with fun reading that will compliment and reinforce our studies. There will most definitely be a lot of reading. This is a perfect way to encourage learning without feeling like school.

I imagine our school year will be filled with fun and laughter, messes and mistakes, but at the end of they day I hope we all walk away with a new fact or tidbit of information we did not know when we began. I pray for patience and co-operation. I pray that our 1 year old will be co-operative and that he loves PlayDoh! I pray mostly that we honor God in all be do. He created us with amazing minds and the capability to learn and do great things. I pray that I do not take for granted the opportunity I have to teach my children at home.

Looking ahead to great things......

This is your life.....

Tonight our TV remained silent. We don't watch a lot of television, mostly movies, but tonight the kids opted for a game instead. We played our favorite, Dutch Blitz. The younger kids built with blocks while the older ones played the card game. It is a fast moving game and we often end up laughing and reaching over each other. Cards at times go flying and if we are not careful the sillies take over and the whole games must be stopped (someone calls DUTCH) and we take a moment to regroup. Tonight did not disappoint our oldest spent the game in a fit of giggles which resulted in a very goofy game and a score that showed it! As I played and watched all the silliness the words from a song came to mind. This is your life are you who you want to be? I am a doodler and without thinking these words appeared on the top of the score pad. Of course the others noticed and asked why I would write it.

Why did I write it? I think about it all the time. This is your life are you who you want to be? I know that there are so many people in this world living day to day, just barely surviving, living paycheck to paycheck. There are those who think that the next big break is just around the corner. But do they ever think this is it, this is all I will ever be or hope to be?

What about me, what do I think? Am I living the life I was meant to live? If I am to be perfectly honest, yes. I am living a dream. Do I have other dreams? Yes, but the life I wake to every morning is the best I can imagine. There are moments when I think that a bigger house and fewer bills would be ideal, but in reality I have all I will ever need. When you look at my life you may wonder how I could feel that way. I am an ordinary wife and mother, living an ordinary life. But I have an extraordinary situation. I have been given opportunities in the midst of motherhood that have solidified who I am and the choice I have made.

One thing I have determined is that I like to be home. I like the comfort and order of my home and the behavior of my family when we are following our daily schedule. I have seen how disruptive life becomes when I try to do too much "extra work", non mom type stuff, outside the home. I am the worship leader in my church and although I feel a calling to do this, it will never be my first calling. I have learned how to do that job without having it rule my time. There are many moms attempting to do many jobs at once, it doesn't always work out well. Usually when you are only able to give part of yourself to many commitments, something suffers. But overcommitment is not the topic tonight.

This is your life are you who you want to be? To me this is so much deeper then one might want it to be. As one who claims a relationship with Christ, I must ask myself, am I living as I should? Do I show Christ in the things I say and do. Honestly no, not always. I slip and fall and fail miserably daily. I say and do things of which I am ashamed. I have hurt people whom I love and turned my back on those in need. I have judged where I had no business judging. I am thankful each night that God doesn't keep score, but chose to once and for all forgive me that I might live free from the weight of my sin burden. There is such joy and relief in that knowledge. That I stand forgiven and accepted before God.

Am I who I want to be? I would have to say not yet. But I am clay! And I know that daily the Potter is making me who He wants me to be. And when I set my will in step with His I know that one day I will be who I want to be. In the meantime I will do my best to live as God desires, knowing that as my heavenly Father He wants what is best for me.

This is your life.....but it is not eternity. And so I am quite certain that while I have two feet planted firmly on this earth I will continue on as wife and mother. Failing at times and then starting over again. But I will start each day with the hope of eternity. Knowing that each day here brings me one day closer to life everlasting with my God.

Our Little Girls

I just read an email from one of my daughter's friends tonight. She is a few months older which puts her at 10 1/2 years old. The email sounded like it was written by a teenager, with a lot of hey girl and whatcha up 2, kind of stuff. Maybe I am old fashioned, but what ever happened to the innocence of little girls. Maybe I am overly sensitive to all this because of the fact that I am watching my own daughter grow up far too quickly and find that she is often influenced by a culture that encourages little girls to act more like teens. Or maybe I want better for our girls than they are receiving.

I read an interview today in Christianity Today. The interviewee was James Dobson. My hero. I love this man as if he were my own father. I put great stock in his opinion and was raised on his books and seek to follow his advice with my own children. His new book Bringing Up Girls has just been published. In the interview he was asked how culture, technology and stereotypes effect how girls are brought up. He spoke many times how our culture is moving toward greater sexual expression. My heart sank when I read those words for I realized at once how this has become true even in our home.

Turn on any TV program and you are in some way bombarded by this message of sexuality being cool. I don't know about you , but there is nothing cool about a 10 year old feeling the need to be sexy! And yet whether they see it or not our girls are being forced to grow up faster than they deserve. The message is thrust upon them in subtle ways, ie.. Disney Channel shows, the Twilight books, the clothes they buy (my personal favorite..booty shorts with all the words on the butt), they are told skinny is better, they listen to music sung by child Pop Stars about lost relationships and love gone bad...and so on.

Now before I get ahead of myself, let me say this. My daughter watches TV, she owns an iPod, she likes funky clothes, she uses email, etc. But she also loves to play with Barbies and Matchbox cars. She likes to cut and color cardboard boxes and make them into houses and forts. There is a healthy balance that can be achieved in allowing the world into your home and into the life of your daughter, without having it dictate her life or rob her of her innocence.

As moms it is our job to protect our little girls as they grow into womanhood. They are precious beings, flowers that need careful tending. They need to know that God created them unique and beautiful. How easy it would be to get caught up in the emotions of raising girls that we miss the opportunity to teach valuable lesson of self-worth, purity, and submission. (YES, I said submission. And purity! So sue me, I want the best possible for my girl!) But, alas the road is often paved with emotional outbursts, moodiness and a good case of the grouchies! When I was growing up we were not allowed to exhibit these unfavorable qualities and much to my satisfaction (and that of my husband) it has proven to have a lovely outcome. Emotions have a place, but they must not be allowed to rule superior in our lives. Moms need a plan for dealing with outbursts and need to keep in control of the situations as they arise. Moms and girls get along much better if there is open communication and a clear concise understanding that we are the authority over our girls, not their best friends. Friendship can come later, and if you do it right during the pre-teen and teen years, it most assuredly will come.

I think about 6 to 8 years from now and what I want for my daughter. I want her to be a woman who seeks after God. I want her to know her own mind and stand up for what she believes. I want her to be sexually pure and praying for a husband who will cherish the gift she will give to him. I want her above all to know that we love her and that God loves her, and that she matters and that God has a special design for her life.

A Saturday Trip

Our Nutty Bunch spent a lovely day touring an historic home in a neighboring town. With an early dinner out at a delicious new restaurant it was a wonderful ending to a perfect day. Sometimes you don't have to do much or go far to find a meaningful way to draw your family closer together. I enjoyed the funny and sometimes downright ridiculous comments of my children. What memories we made today!

My Evening Thoughts

I am sitting in a semi dark room tonight with so many thoughts, that I can not completely make sense of any of them. My children have all been tucked into their beds, the house is so quiet, except for my typing, that I can hear the crickets outside. I value this time. It gives me a chance to clear my head before I close my eyes to sleep, but lately sleep has eluded me. No amount of head clearing seems to settle my thoughts for rest. I have found that I end up praying in the dark and eventually fall asleep mid sentence.

All this a result of what is happening in the lives of our friends with the sick little girl, Ava. Believe it or not I truly feel in my gut we are about to see a miracle of God in her life. I have to believe it. And yet in the midst of all my thoughts and prayers for her family I can not help but think of my own.

Last night we sat as a family before bed and each offered a pray for Ava. My 8 year old son prayed that she would recover and be healthy again, but that if she only had a short time to live, would it be the best time of her life. I almost cried. Later, I found myself sitting on the deck outside looking up at the stars, when that same son joined me. He said to me, "mom if I could take Ava's place I would, because I know that when I die I will go to heaven forever". My heart broke.

We can learn a lot from our children, but only if we pay attention. So many times I have heard myself telling them "not now" or " maybe later". It seems that more often lately we have had quiet moments to share our thoughts, dreams, fears... I have been amazed at what lies just beneath the surface that often gets overlooked. It is so important to realize that every moment counts. Every smile, every kiss, every word of affection. The days pass quickly and we know not what tomorrow holds.

Sitting there with my precious son, I told him that Ava's father and mother, brother and probably a lot of other people felt the same way. If they could trade places with her they would. But if that is how much we love as humans, how much more so does our heavenly Father love us.

And so as I sit in the dark I remember the blessing of the day. I think of sweet chatter as we did our chores, laughter as the kids played outside, cheers for fresh cinnamon rolls, and soft smiles and warm hugs as we cuddled up for a nap.

Thank you Father for children for it through then we are taught selflessness. we can see love and trust in it's truest form. But Father without you and the gift of your son we would not fully understand these emotions. Thank you that through you we can love unconditionally. Thank you for each blessing in our lives and help us to not miss the simple ways you are using our children to make us better people, better mothers. That you for loving us so much that you sent your only son to die in our place, so that not one would perish, but have life eternal with you in heaven. My cup runneth over, Amen

Selfishness...my take on it

Something has been on my mind for sometime now and today I decided to write about it. I have observed lately that we as a nation and a world have become so selfish. It has happened in some capacity everywhere I look. Now I understand as well as the next person that we are living in hard times, but despite that fact our choices have not changed. We now only complain that we don't have or can't afford that which we deserve. Well in lies the problem. What we deserve. Honestly we deserve nothing. For the most part we are a lazy nation and we do just what is required to get by or wait till the last minute, and although we may complete the task we have not put our best into it. I have noticed that this attitude has affected all ages. Children believe they deserve whatever they desire, possibly fueled by the television they watch. They see that if you whine loud enough your parents eventually give in. I listen to the checkout clerks complain that they are "so tired" they've " been working all day". Since when do we think it is abnormal to work a full days work.

I have been blessed in that I do not want for the necessities in life. My children are well fed and clothed. They have had opportunities to play sports and take dance lessons. We eat out in a restaurants 3 or 4 time a month. We have a large family and I believe that we should teach our children to work for what they get. And that a reward should only be taken if it is deserved. We all have chores in our family, but money is only earned for special jobs, not everyday chores. Those are done because we are all a part of this family and we work together to make our house run smoothly. I know my children have tendencies just like everyone else to want all that they see, but I am working hard to show them the true value of a dollar and how good it feels to work for what you have.

OK, so lately it has really bothered me to see the lines at various establishments for "free stuff". Free food, free drinks, free donuts, free admittance to parks and museums. While all of these things have a place and can be a great reward to some very well meaning people. I am annoyed that people will do just about anything for something free. Even dressing up like a cow for free food. Think about it folks, a cow, for food???

I guess maybe I just don't get it. What ever happened to working hard, making an honest dollar, and paying for what you get. This issue is portrayed is a bigger fashion when I look at our government. It is no wonder that we have lost our self respect. For we have seen that if you whine loud enough you get whatever you want.

I hope to shield my family from the infiltration of this negative attitude. We will work hard, pay for what we want, and only take a reward that we deserve. I believe we can change the world one person, or one family at a time. I know that what truly matters is not if we have 558 cable channels, but where our eternity lies. I know that my Savior died, so that you and I might have forgiveness of sins, our debt paid, and the hope of life everlasting. So in light of the fact that I have already been given more than I deserve, I think that from this moment forward I will be thankful for what I have and work hard for the things I need.

Trust

Each of my children upon their arrival has taken up a portion of my heart never again to be filled by anyone else. As each one was placed on me after their birth the feeling of unspeakable love overwhelmed my heart. When my first child was born I rocked her in the hospital and started to sing, I love You Lord and I lift my voice to worship You, O my soul rejoice. Take joy my King in what You hear, may it be a sweet sweet song in Your ear. I was exhausted but these words came to me as I held the precious bundle with which God had blessed me. With each child's arrival I would sit and rock and sing those word. As exhausted as I was I took time to worship my God and thank Him for the blessings in my life. At those moments all seemed right with my world. And I could not imagine hardship or trial, I just reveled in the beauty of the moment.




As the years pass and I watch my children grow I become more aware of how precious life is and the danger that surrounds us. How easy it would be to become consumed with this danger and uncertainty of life that I no longer enjoy my children, but instead work daily to ensure their safety. How foolish this would be. The Lord has entrusted them into my care, but my children belong to Him. I do not say this lightly, remember they own my heart and everything I do is for them, but I rest in the knowledge that the best care I can take of them is nothing compared to that of God's.





In order for me to face the uncertainties of each day I have to place my trust in my all knowing, ever present Father in heaven. I have seen pain and suffering in this life. I have lost loved ones and friends. I have sung songs at funerals for little ones to young to die. I have driven passed car accidents with children involved and my heart has gone out to those people involved. But my little world has not been struck by life changing tragedy. I deal with my share of injuries and issues, but each night I kiss each of my children goodnight and tuck them into bed.




I believe all that happens in our lives is to prepare for the challenges we will face. We accept the little things that help us grow and become stronger and more prepared for our purpose here or we can resent and question every thing that happens, in turn growing more bitter and unprepared for what lies ahead. We can question God every step of the way, argue with Him and grow apart from His will or we can place our trust in the one who loves us so much He gave His only Son to die that we might have a chance at eternal life with Him. I have lived my life with God as my foundation and have told God that I trust Him in all things and will not question WHY?, no matter the trial. This has not always been easy and God and I have had some pretty intense talks, but I know that to question the One on whom I stand would crumble my foundation. When tragedy strikes and I find myself lying broken on the floor I know the only One who can pick me up is my Lord. If I say I trust Him to take care of me in the good times I have to trust even more that He is my strength in time of pain and suffering.



And so I have placed each of my children back in His care. I have thanked Him for allowing me to be their mother and asked that He give me the necessary tools to instill in them the same trust in their own lives.



As parents we are to lead by example. Trust is something we can show our children each day. We should look for ways that God is providing for us in small ways so that we are strengthened and encouraged that he is in control. I do not have all the answers and do not pretend to know all about God. That is where my faith takes over. What I do know is that He loves me. He never promised that my life would be easy, just that he would walk with me. I rest in the knowledge that my future and the futures of my children are in His almighty hands.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Little Moments

Tonight I played on the floor with my youngest son. He just turned one year old and is a delight. As we sat on the floor and played with blocks he began to stack them instead of knocking down my stack. These were not easy blocks to keep one on top of the other and so it took him some time to keep it steady. More often than not he would let go as it was teetering on the edge and it would fall. He took great delight in this as well and just laughed as he tried again. I laughed right along with him. This continued for some time before he became distracted with one of the blocks and began to just sit and play with it.

As I watched him I thought about his first year and what his life ahead would be like. I was thankful that in the midst of all that goes on in our busy house that I could take some time to play with him. I could enjoy him and watch him explore his little world. I was free at that moment to just be with him and laugh with him.

How often do we allow ourselves to become so busy with "things that need to be done" or work to provide all that we think they need, that we don't take the time to just be with our kids. It's really all they want. I am trying harder to listen to my kids, to sit with them and talk about what is going on in their lives and the thoughts in those little heads of theirs. I am trying to say yes to more and not try to wait for a better time. (More on this later). Most of all I want and I don't want to miss one minute or precious moment!

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the blessing of my children. Thank you for the moments that we are able to laugh together and talk. Thank you for playtime and snuggle time. Help me to keep the lines of communication open so that as they grow they will know that they can come to me with any problem or concern. Help me to show them that they are more important than any task I may need to complete. And help me to not get so lost in my work and life that I forget that my purpose as a mother is to see to the needs of my children. Thank you for loving me and helping me to see the areas in my life that I need to work on to become all that you have created me to be. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen

My Old Friends...

OK, so when I say old, I mean really old. My dearest friend is 98 years old and well on her way to 100 we believe. We met 15 years years ago when I was cleaning houses as a new college student. She called me to clean her house, but first served me cookies and coffee and that day we became friends. We have drunk more cups of coffee together than I can count and through the years our friendship has developed into something so special. There really are no words to describe how I feel about Grace. We may not share the same blood, but she is family.

I don't know why, but I have always loved old people. When I was in kindergarten my class adopted grandparents from a local nursing home. My adopted Grandma Hollitz became very special to me and I continued to visit her into my teenage years until she passed away.

Through the years there have been many older folks that have come in and out of my life, and all have managed to get a piece of my heart. I have sat and listened to countless stories of years gone by, grown children, and grandchildren. I have had the opportunity to sit and hold the hands of those whose lives are nearing the end and through it all I have become a better person. I have come to realize that there is something so special about these people that have seen so much life and now have taken the time to share their memories with me. One of the greatest blessing I have found is that many of my old friends love Jesus. They have known Him a very long time and have such a testimony of His goodness and faithfulness.

As my own children have been born I have had the joy of seeing the pleasure that children bring to the elderly. They are content to just sit and watch them play. My children in turn have come to love my old friends as I do. They really don't think of them as old people, but are quite fascinated with the years they have been around and the history they have lived through.

Just when I think that I am blessed to have had the pleasure to call so many friends, God sends me another. And my newest friend is what has prompted me to write about this. Two streets down from me lives a 95 year old woman, whom my 8 year old son has come to adore. He is my history buff and his newest friend loves to talk history. He will sit at her feet for hours listening and asking questions. And she is thrilled to answer. We have given her purpose and value and she in turn has given us someone new to love and cherish. I visted with her today as she is in bed recovering from a broken back. She just sat and held my hand, her face all smile as she looked at the boys and asked them about cubscouts and told us of days gone by when she herslf was a cubscout den mother.

This is so import in the lives of our children. My mom always says that having many people to love your children is a gift. As my children grow, they are experiencing the beauty of what God talks about in Titus 2, the older women teaching the younger. These women have lived good lives; they loved their husbands and stood by them until death. They have loved God and grown in His Word for more years than I have been alive and they are passing on that love to my children during each visit.

Is there and older person you know that could use your friendship? Do not pass up the opportunity to have this blessing in your life. It is incredible.

I will miss Grace when she is gone, but I thank God for the time we have had together. She is my kindred spirit and I can't imagine life without her spunk, her smile, her love and encouragement. But I know that because of Jesus we will meet again in Glory, Praise be to God!

Today's Prayer

Heavenly Father,

I come to You this day with a heart so full. I know that You care about me and desire for me to lean on You and so today I thank You for Your grace and understanding. You are such an awesome God and send reminders of Your love and care, Your beauty and majesty. As I looked upon the rainbows in the sky I was once again reminded that you are alive and aware of your children and their needs.

Thank you for the gift of Your son who made my relationship with you possible. Through His shed blood I am free to call you Abba Father. I know that Your love for me is unspeakable, and when heart overflows with gratitude. Because of this love for me I come to You now with the burdens of my heart.

Lord I pray for our friends that are hurting today with the news of cancer in thier daughter. Lord we often do not understand Your ways. But we rest in the knowldge that You never promised our life here would be easy, only that You would walk with us through whatever we face. And so I pray for Your comfort and love. Surround them with Your pressence and guide them as they face days ahead when decisions will need to be made and hardships will need to be overcome. Remind them that at their lowest moments they can rest on You, for You promised to never leave us or forsake us. Thank You for the smiles from their little girl that may bring tears as they are reminded how much all of this hurts, but that those smiles and words of love from the one who hurts so much are just reminders of how much You love them and are providing for them in all ways. You are the Master Physician and so most of all I pray for healing. I pray that You use this in the life of this girl and this family in a wonderful and amazing way, that all who witness this may come to know You and Your love for them.

Thank You Father, for the blessings I see everyday, for the care You have taken to see to the details of my life and the reminders that you are with me in all things. It is in the Name of your precious Son and His shed blood that I pray, Amen

Raising Children To Pray

And pray in the Spirit in all occasions, with all kids of prayers and requests. With this in mind be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Ephesians 6:18


As parents we can't help but look at how we were raised, what our parents did right or wrong and decide how we will parent our own children. One thing my parents did absolutely right was prayer. My mom especially was a woman of prayer. She taught us to pray about all things which in turn taught us that God cares about the details of our lives.


I can remember praying for lost shoes and toy pieces, always praying when we heard an emergency vehicle siren and praying for the safety of those involved in the incident. We prayed at the dinner table, in the family room, and in the car. Mon taught us the ACTS prayer to help us pray with a purpose. Mom often appeared to be talking to herself while driving, but she was in actuality talking to Jesus.

Prayer is a vital part of our relationship with Jesus, so how do we instill that quality in our children. My answer, pray in front our your kids. Sometimes it's what you do in front of you kids rather than what you say is that they remember most. I have tried to live up to the example that my parents set. My children are not strangers to prayer and have loved using the ACTS prayer. A = adoration C = confession T = thanksgiving S = supplication.

But teaching children to pray and having them understand how important a prayer life is are two different things altogether. Some people believe in a prayer time each day, for me this has never worked, after all I am a busy mom and would often get disturbed or distracted by something else in the home. So I told God that I would live a prayer life. I believe this in the example my mom set, and often I too appear to be talking to myself as I drive!

Living a life of prayer means that anytime and anyplace I am free to talk to my Jesus and when my kids see this they understand a little better the power and beauty of prayer. They know that no matter where they are God is always just a whisper away. He is always listening and ready to hear what they need to say to Him. It could be as simple as a lost shoe or praying for a sick friend. I love listen to my children pray, to hear their thoughts and concerns as they talk to God.

I pray that one day they look back on their childhood prayers and see them as the start of their prayer journey. I thank God for each opportunity I have to pass on the prayer legacy in my family.

Friday's Funny

Remember children are always watching what you do....

Boys

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

One of the scariest things about being a mom to boys is doing their laundry. If you have them you know exactly what I mean. Picture it with me. You stand before the washing machine holding a pair of your little boy's shorts. You can tell by the weight and feel of them that the pockets are loaded, but with what is the mystery. You must be brave and so you put your hand into the pocket terrified at what awaits your grip. You have no idea what this pocket hold but past experience tells you to beware, be ready, be brave.

That scene sound familiar? As a mom we can tell a lot about our boys from what they deem precious and important enough to be stashed in their pockets. I often find army men, basketball cards, sometimes waded up dollar bills from POP, nails or screws they find, rocks, candy wrappers (sometimes still filled with candy), dirty socks (I don't know why), the list continues...

I don't attempt to understand all their treasures, but with each finding I gain a deeper sense of who that boy is. I remind myself often that I am raising future men. It is not an easy job for I feel inadequate and often scared at times. Boys think differently and I don't always understand their methods. What I do know is that God created them to be caretakers. To be leaders. To be both physical and Spiritual heads of the home. My boys differ in so many ways but each one has the necessary qualities and I am reminded that it is my job to encourage the in their uniqueness. It is my job to see who they are as individuals and help them find a path on which they can excel.

I am blessed that my husband is my lifelong partner in this endeavor for the influence of the father in the home is crucial to the healthy upbringing of the boy. As my little boys grow into bigger boys it is then my job to slowly back into the distance as their father becomes the one they look to more often.

But I still do the laundry and so in the quietness of my laundry room I see glimpses of who they are and am reminded of where they have come from and how much they've grown. I may never understand the need to keep your dirty socks in the pocket of your shorts, but wouldn't trade the smile it brings to my face for anything.

Moms enjoy the time you have with your little boy for it passes quickly. Remember when they start to pull away and turn to dad, let them go. Moms can love their boys and teach them many wonderful lessons, but dads make men out of boys. Men that one day we will look up to with such love and pride. And think of those little pockets that we once braved........

So Tired

Isaiah 40:31

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Have you ever been so tired that you couldn't think straight and if you even stopped moving for a minute you would fall asleep? Well if you are a mom you know the feeling. I have been blessed with pretty good sleepers, but my children like to sleep near ( some right on) me or my husband. Well that does not really allow for a good night's sleep. I have often walked around like a zombie in the daylight hours for lack of sleep.

This verse in Isaiah has always been a favorite of mine. I take comfort that God will supply all my needs and have witnessed his provision in my life time and again. Parenting is a tough and exhausting job and so often we may want to just sit right down and give up. As parents we are often called upon to go the extra mile on little fuel, smile when we feel like crying and make tough decisions for the good of our families. Being tired and feeling worn down may bring on the feeling of being totally overwhelmed.

Recently I had committed to one too many things over a short period of time. All good causes and all things I was capable of accomplishing, but it meant a lack of quality sleep. When my commitments had ended I was exhausted, physically, emotionally, and mentally and looking forward to just getting a good rest. We had come home from running an errand and I was unloading the car and thinking about what to fix as a quick lunch, all the while excited that soon I would be climbing into bed. It was then that I heard the scream from my youngest daughter. It was not her usual cry when things don't go her way, this was a" mom come quick, I need help now" cry. I went running to the kitchen to find her standing in a pool of olive oil and broken glass. I quickly removed my now sobbing, but unhurt daughter to a clean part of the kitchen, removed her shoes and sent her out of the room with her older sister as the pool of oil spread out over the floor.

I was tired and now frustrated as I set to picking up the glass pieces so that I could start on the oil spill. Thirty minutes, one roll of paper towels and one bleeding finger later I was still frustrated and even more tired, but thankful. That cry from my little girl could have been something much worse and the reality was that God gave me the strength to deal with the situation. So often when we need Him most He is there for us, even in the little things. He knows what you are going through and He will provide the strength.

Heavenly Father,

We are so tired at times Lord that often we don't seen the provisions You have for us. Help us to know that You will provide rest for those who need it. Help us to take time to look to You that we might be renewed and refreshed, that we might be better mothers and examples to our precious children. Amen